This year (2012) on May 17th it will be the 25th anniversary for those that died on the USS STARK (FFG-31). For those that remember, the USS STARK was struck by two Iraq missiles that killed 37 American Sailors, my friends - my heroes, when I was just a 19 year-old sailor.
"Under my own free will, I joined the Navy's delayed entry program when I was 17. At the time, I had no idea what I wanted to do or be in life but one thing was for sure. I realized, I was not mature enough to go to college or take on the world by myself. I needed authoritative-direction from someone I could respect. The Navy gave me that and I'm very proud to have served."
From my own personal STARK experience and I can only assume its the same for others in my "Stark-Family-Circle", The USS STARK incident is a gamut of mixed emotions that throws me on a roller coaster ride of fear, hate, anger, guilt, pride, love, devotion, remorse, insensitivity, honor, sadness and the list goes on and on... To say the least, its a never ending struggle that takes jabs at my self-worth, pounds-away at my heart and pierces into the depths of my soul. If I didn't force laughter into my life, I don't know where these feelings would take me.
GSM2 Wasnock & Blister, December 1987
This May 2012 will be somewhat of a different roller coaster ride for me and it scares the hell out of me.
Just thinking about it, "I can already feel the fear and anxiety building inside."
This is something, I know I must do no-matter what! I hope I can handle the stress.
I am planning on attending the USS STARK Memorial Service to be held in Mayport, FL. (where the STARK was home ported). I am very much looking forward to meeting my old shipmates but I'm scared to death at the same time.
"I often feel, I failed the families and my shipmates that died that day and gave me life."
With this upcoming memorial, I'm so afraid to face or look into the eyes of a lost STARK family member that may attend this service, the guilt is terrible.
1987 USS STARK Band, The Poison Squirrels from Hell
"The guy standing on the left side of the picture with the white guitar was my brother FC3 Bill Hansen. He was one of the KIA on may 17th."
-pretzel813
I write this to help keep me steady and on course to attend the memorial service.
I was a reservist serving on the Perry FFG-7 from 1985 through about 1988. I recall the Stark being hit by the Iraqi missile and watched the news coverage.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for serving on the Stark and hope you find the power to accept what happened and know that you probably did everything you could.
My recollection is that she got hit on the port side near the berthing area just forward of the mess hall. I think a lot of those mates never knew what happened.
Then the damage control had to be terrible. Wasn't all of the O levels superstructure made out of aluminum? I could only imagine how tough it was to fight the Delta fire. Shoes melting and so on-Navy made changes after that.
You guys saved the ship and you should be proud of that.
I hope you are OK, and I can relate to your mindset, find the time (if you have not already) to look into PTSD.
jp
Waz,
ReplyDeleteI look forward to meeting you at the anniversary. You certainly have no reason to feel any guilt. You survived the initial attack through a series of events over which you had no control. Missile impact point, berthing assignment, if you were on or off duty, the simple need for a head call or breath of freash air, and a million other possible factors all lined up that night in your favor. Some men survived and others did not. At no time did you make a conscious decision that a shipmate should die instead of you. You survived while combating the casualty due to the strength of your training, the skill of your shipmates, and your will to live. If anything, your damage control contributions likely helped to save lives. These are not things to be ashamed of or cause for guilt. Be proud of yourself for what you did that night. I know I am.
Sincerely,
Bob Hansen (Brother of FC3 Bill Hansen)
Bob,
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much for your comment. My sincerest apologies for your loss, Bill really knew how to play that guitar, I could physically see and feel his passion when he played.
Your words are very well appreciated and they bring tears to my eyes every time I read them. This is why I have not responded sooner, I am sorry.
Bob, I Just Happened To Come Across This Blog Today (2/25/14). I WasThinking Of Bill As I Often Do, But Especially Today Because He Never Forgot MyI Birthday. I Never Knew ThIs Pic Existed. But Am Extremely Happy To Have Found It. HopE
ReplyDeleteAll Is Well With You And Your Family. Miss My Highschool (Best Friend) Very Much, ......Angelo
Angelo,
ReplyDeleteI can say this from the whole STARK family, wishing you a very Happy Birthday!
I will also check and see if I have more photos of Bill that I can post.
ReplyDeleteI share a kindred spirit to this incident in distant history as I took the recruiter's advice the hard way by not participating in the US Naval programs but in a way I did some service that indoctrinated me into the "textbook navy" where all I have is the impact of the memory of this tragedy among a specific naval service. In a sense of desperation I gave it my best shot as those exocet missiles sort of hit me between the ears in the event. I was streetbound during the event but that did not stop my heart from throbbing in panic attacks for each one of those sailors that gave their lives doing their patriotic chore that absorbed my soul to a degree. All that I can say is that this event in history has had a profound impact till present day on me. In the South we try not to cut death wakes on ships or boats rather keep them a little starboard of the beer cans. Tim
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